Hi friends,

There are seasons in life when joy feels like a stranger. After illness, grief, trauma, or deep personal struggle, joy can seem unreachable—like something that belonged to a former version of yourself. Personally, I’ve gone through many seasons of tremendous suffering and pain, when it felt like I’d never feel the sun again. Years of severe, debilitating symptoms, a painful divorce, filing for bankruptcy…these were times that I truly felt cut off from any sense of lightness, ease, or playfulness.

But joy isn’t the opposite of sorrow. It’s not something we earn when pain is gone. It’s something that can begin to emerge when we make space for both joy and sorrow to exist together.

Reclaiming joy is not about going back to who you were before. It’s about remembering who you are now—stronger, softer, and still alive.

Joy Is Not a Destination, It’s a Practice

We often think of joy as something that just happens when everything is going right. But in truth, joy is a practice—a skill we can cultivate, even in the midst of pain.

Neuroscience shows that when we feel joy, the brain releases DOSE chemistry (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins). These chemicals support emotional balance, motivation, and even immune health. Repeated experiences of joy actually rewire the brain, strengthening neural circuits related to resilience and well-being. As neuroscientist Dr. Richard Davidson says, “Well-being is a skill.” And that means we can practice it.

But after periods of hardship, we don’t need to chase joy. We can start by simply noticing it in its smallest forms.

Glimmers: The Gentle Sparks That Lead Us Home

Therapist Deb Dana introduced the concept of glimmers—tiny, brief cues of safety and connection that regulate the nervous system. They’re the opposite of triggers. Where a trigger might activate anxiety or pain, a glimmer creates calm, warmth, or subtle delight.

A glimmer might be:

The way sunlight filters through your window
The scent of something familiar
A smile from a stranger
Music that lifts your spirit
The feeling of clean sheets or warm tea
A silly or heartwarming video (I have an entire folder of “glimmers” on my Instagram page)

These moments often pass quickly, especially when we’re in survival mode. But when we learn to notice and savor them, we can begin to shift our inner landscape. Neuroscientist Dr. Rick Hanson encourages us to “take in the good” by staying with positive experiences for just 10 to 20 seconds—long enough to let them imprint on the brain. Some of us think of this as “turning glimmers into glows,” stoking the spark until it’s a bright, warm fire.

Over time, these tiny experiences become building blocks of healing. They remind the body that it’s safe. They help the heart open again. And they reconnect us with the quiet beauty of being alive.

Letting Joy Arise Alongside Pain

In many mindfulness and Buddhist teachings, we are reminded that joy does not require the absence of suffering. Joy is not naive. It’s not denial. It is what can exist within our suffering when we stop resisting the moment as it is.

The Dalai Lama, despite decades of loss and exile, teaches that “our purpose in life is to be happy.” But not at the expense of feeling. He and Archbishop Desmond Tutu write in The Book of Joy that true joy arises when we open ourselves to the full human experience. “We are fragile creatures,” Tutu says, “but we are not helpless ones.”

This means we can feel our pain and still smile at the sunset. We can grieve and still laugh from the belly. We can carry heartbreak and still open to moments of warmth, meaning, or even awe. This is not contradiction. It’s wholeness.

Rewiring the Brain Through Presence and Intention

Joy doesn’t always rush in. Often, it returns in whispers. And to notice those whispers, we need to slow down.

Mindfulness teaches us to come home to the present moment—not to fix it, but to be with it. When we sit with our breath, notice sensations in the body, or listen to the sounds around us without judgment, we often discover that the present moment contains more than pain. It might also hold peace. Or comfort. Or even a glimmer of joy.

Positive psychology offers tools that support this shift. Writing down a few things you’re grateful for each day, savoring small pleasures, or intentionally recalling joyful memories can all help tilt the brain toward hope.

None of these practices are about ignoring difficulty. They’re about remembering that, even in the midst of difficulty, joy can still live in you.

Letting the World Help You Heal

When healing feels overwhelming, let the world support you. Let nature remind you of cycles, resilience, and rest. The tree that blooms again after winter doesn’t rush its process. It simply trusts the return of light.

Try standing barefoot in the grass, watching birds in flight, or letting the sun touch your face. These glimmers aren’t luxuries. They’re medicine.

Let others help you, too. Joy is often relational—it grows through connection. A conversation, a shared meal, a hand on your back can restore something you forgot you needed.

Simple Practices to Welcome Joy Back In

You don’t have to wait until you feel “better” to begin. You can welcome joy back in gently, in ways that feel safe and doable. Here are a few ideas:

Glimmer Journal: Each day, jot down one small moment that felt good, grounding, or comforting. Over time, you build a treasure trove of tiny joys to return to.
Joy Spotting: As you move through your day, make a game of noticing what’s beautiful, bright, or soothing. Color. Movement. Smell. Texture. (“Joyspotting” is a term coined by the lovely Ingrid Fetell Lee, who has lots of great resources)
Loving-Kindness Meditation: Sit quietly and offer yourself gentle phrases like, “May I feel safe. May I feel peace. May I remember joy.” You can extend these wishes to others, too.
Gratitude Practice: List three things you’re thankful for. They can be as small as “clean water” or “a funny video.” Gratitude rewires the brain toward abundance.
Share Joy: Tell someone about a glimmer you experienced. Or ask them to describe a happy memory. Joy multiplies when it’s shared.
Heart Coherence Meditation: Connect your heart energy to the power of positive memories and visualize your desired future.

Joy Is Still Yours

If joy feels far away right now, know this: it hasn’t left you. It may be quiet. It may be buried under layers of exhaustion or sadness. But it’s still there. Still possible. Still yours.

Healing doesn’t mean going back to how things were. It means finding new ways to be whole, right here and now. Joy will come—not because you force it, but because you gently make room for it. One glimmer at a time.

You are not broken. You are becoming.

And even now—you are allowed to feel joy.

Here’s to finding more glimmers, and turning them into glows!

And if you would like some 1:1 guidance on reconnecting to joy, I’m here to support you!

Reclaiming Joy After Hardship or Loss