3 Keys To Your Sexual Empowerment
Hello dear friends!
In today’s culture, there is a lot of stuff out there on sexuality. We live in a sex-saturated society, after all. It’s everywhere you look. But how much of the information or imagery is actually empowering? How much of the collective conversation actually moves us forward? Makes space for authenticity? Involves everyone of all shapes, sizes, genders, orientations, and abilities?
My guess? Less than 1%.
Granted, things are changing, albeit slowly. More and more resources are becoming available for people who want to have a greater connection with their true sexuality, love their bodies, and have healthy relationships. More and more people are speaking up and speaking out about the intersections of sex, gender roles, economics, and self-image.
We can probably all agree that, on the whole, the way our culture deals with sex is anything but healthy and empowering. And most of us didn’t have an upbringing that fostered freedom of expression, pleasure, and identity. Many of us, myself included, were raised in a system that oppressed women and those on the LGBTQ spectrum, created shame around masturbation, and spread harmful lies about sex, virginity, STIs, and other issues.
However, regardless of your childhood or the messages you’ve had ingrained in you in the past, I firmly believe that you can re-write your story and heal your sexual blocks. You can make the choice to reclaim your sexuality, re-open and balance your sacral chakra, and finally have the joy, pleasure, and connection you’ve been searching for. It is possible. But first, we need to examine what true empowered sexuality looks like.
Beware: this is another place where we can get caught in today’s culture. There is a myth that says, in order for you to be sexually empowered, you should be overtly sexual. You should objectify yourself. You should perform for others (mostly men). You should seek many sexual partners. You should dress scantily. You get the point...and I’m not saying there’s anything inherently wrong with any of these things. I just want to say that these things are not empowering in and of themselves. (Want to read more on this subject? The book, Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women & The Rise Of Raunch Culture, is fantastic)
Here’s the truth, friends:
True empowerment comes from within.
It doesn’t depend on other people’s opinions of you. It doesn't depend on your current relationship status. It doesn’t depend on how many people indicate interest in you. It doesn’t depend on how much sex you’re having, or not having. I could go on, but I think you know what I’m trying to say here.
Nobody else can empower you. Only you can do that for yourself. In fact, many people may actively try to disempower you, so definitely don’t seek it in your partners, lovers, friends, or playmates!
Okay, so let’s dig deeper. What are some characteristics of empowered sexuality?
I break them down into three main categories:
1. Embodiment
Feeling at home in your body. Knowing your body inside and out, how it works, and what feels good/doesn’t feel good. Learning to love your body, no matter what it looks like or how it’s been acting lately.
Investing in self-intimacy and exploration, including healing techniques like de-armoring, or using yoni eggs.
Honoring your true libido, and knowing that this may change over time. Obligatory sex is not empowered sex!
Doing your sexual self-care (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual), regardless of your relationship status.
For those with periods- end the shame and disgust around menstruation! Get in touch with your incredible body, don’t hide from your periods, and don’t make apologies for your monthly cycle.
Making space for both the Divine Feminine and Sacred Masculine. These are meant to be in balance, regardless of your gender.
Grooming and decorating your body in the way YOU choose, regardless of the opinions of others.
2. Communication
Talking about your sexual needs and wants, in a way that is free from shame and blame.
Advocating for your own satisfaction, without crossing the boundaries of others’.
Setting healthy boundaries in your relationships, in and out of the bedroom.
Demanding equal pleasure! There is a HUGE orgasm gap between men and women. Regardless of your gender, take a stand and make sure that everyone reaches climax (if they want to), in the ways that work for them.
Always being safe. Talking openly about health status, protection, and potential pregnancy.
Always (ALWAYS) getting enthusiastic consent from your partners.
3. Authenticity
Identifying your true sexual desires and validating them.
Celebrating your unique gender identity and expression, and your unique sexual orientation.
Accepting and processing rejection with grace, and not taking it personally.
Understanding that sex is about joy, pleasure, connection, and playfulness- not just getting to the “end.” Maintaining open curiosity and a sense of adventure.
Critically assessing our culture’s messages about gender and sexuality. Developing discernment in the face of overwhelmingly unhealthy influences.
Using sex as a way to connect with yourself, and with others- not as a control tactic or coping mechanism.
From my point of view, as a coach and Reiki healer, understanding the sacral chakra is crucial to becoming sexually empowered. This energy center is all about creativity, self-expression, and sexuality, and many of us hold a lot of shame, guilt, and fear here. Many people that I’ve worked with had a block in this chakra that was preventing them from being truly fulfilled and unapologetic in their sexuality.
If you want to learn more about the chakras, and how they play into your overall wellbeing, check out my new book- it’ll give you a lot of tools and insights to explore!
As with most things in life, stepping into a place of true sexual empowerment isn’t going to happen overnight. It’s a practice. Especially since this kind of healthy, dynamic sexuality goes against the grain of our modern culture! But don’t lose hope- things are changing, and you have the ability to choose better for yourself and your partners.
Here are a few resources that I've found helpful:
Are you ready for the possibility of finally being embodied, confident, and satisfied in your sexuality? Let's continue the conversation! Schedule a coaching session, or a Reiki healing session to get started on this powerful, important journey to your full embodiment and sexual bliss.
Together, we can rise up, and make a better, safer, and more pleasurable world for everyone.
Join me!
And as always, my friends...
~ Take care and be well ~
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